It Hurts Soooo Good.
Billionaire man-child Elon Musk is experiencing the political equivalent of sending unsolicited nudes at 2am and getting blocked. Despite crawling on his belly into Trump’s inner circle with campaign donations and enough Twitter praise to make a North Korean propagandist blush, Orange Julius Caesar has decided that tariffs are for everyone — even his most pathetically devoted tech concubine.
The newly announced 25% tariffs on imported auto parts have Elon displaying what his programming identifies as human “distress.” “This will affect the price of parts!” he squealed into the digital abyss, apparently shocked — SHOCKED! — that Trump’s “America First” policy might actually include Elon’s companies. Who could have possibly seen that coming? Oh, right. A blind toddler with limited cognitive function could have predicted this, but somehow it eluded the “genius” who can’t figure out how to make a cybertruck that doesn’t look like a DeLorean after a tragic industrial acc…
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