Dear Diary

The Private Conflicted Thoughts Of JD Vance.

Dear Diary,

What a day! Another 24 hours of pretending that my life choices make sense! Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering how I went from writing a heartfelt memoir about my Appalachian roots and the struggles of the working class to becoming the political equivalent of that kid who changes his entire personality to impress the popular table at lunch. I forgot, I made that shit all up. MaMaw HA! I was just drunk and was trying to say Grandma and well… shit that name stuck. It’s called literary licence my agent said.

This morning, Donald summoned me to the Oval Office. He was eating a Big Mac for breakfast while Elon showed him memes on his phone. I stood there for 20 minutes before either of them acknowledged me. I hate Elon BTW. He gets all the attention lately. When Donald finally looked up, he said, “JD! My favorite hillbilly Harvard guy!” He think Harvard and Yale are the same. That’s okay. When heard I went to an Ivy League school he liked that — just as long as it wasn’t Br…