Tesla Execs Cash Out: “It’s Fine, Everything’s Fine!”

All Rats Leaving The Ship: Please Calmly Follow The Emergency Exit Signs.

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All Rats Leaving The Ship: Please Calmly Follow The Emergency Exit Signs.

BREAKING NEWS: In what experts are calling “totally not a red flag at all,” Tesla insiders have been offloading stock faster than Elon Musk tweets at 3 AM after a Red Bull binge. SEC filings reveal that company executives have dumped over $100 million in shares, presumably to invest in more stable ventures like cryptocurrency or pet rocks.

James Murdoch, who joined Tesla’s board in 2017 because apparently inheriting a media empire wasn’t exciting enough, exercised his stock options worth $13 million on March 10th — coincidentally during Tesla’s biggest stock nosedive since the time Elon smoked weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast. The timing is purely coincidental, just like how it’s coincidental that rats tend to flee sinking ships.

The official explanation for Murdoch’s sale contains the phrase “to cover the exercise price relating to the exercise of stock options,” a sentence so deliberately con…