Vance's Vulture Volta
The Hollow Man's Guide to Exploiting Tragedy for Fun, Profit and the Presidency
J.D. Vance is having a moment. And what a ghoulish moment it is.
The baby-faced veep with the dead eyes was practically purring Monday as he commandeered "The Charlie Kirk Show" — because nothing says "tribute to a fallen friend" quite like hijacking his corpse for a campaign commercial.
Poor Charlie. One minute he's hosting a show, the next he's providing the backdrop for Vance's audition reel. It's like watching someone practice their Oscar speech at a funeral.
"The last several days have been extremely hard for our country," Vance intoned with all the genuine emotion of Siri reading a grocery list. But those calculating peepers told the real story: Cha-ching! Another tragedy, another opportunity for the spotlight. 2028, the 25th or bust. White House here I come.
This is vintage Vance — the man who shape-shifts faster than Proteus. Remember when he called Trump "America's Hitler"? That was so 2016. Now …
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